Daily Reflections

I had a really good conversation with Jon last night after the kids went to bed.  We talked about my feelings and why I want to have another baby so badly.  Oh my goodness, I want another baby so badly.  Jon brought up that maybe I'm just having a hard time letting go of the baby/child-bearing stage of my life.  That is an understatement.  I most definitely am having a difficult time moving on.  I miss the baby stage so much.  Honestly, I think maybe I'm feeling a little depressed.  My mind keeps going back to the times in my life where I have felt the happiest.  Those times were the times that I found out I was pregnant, giving birth, and all of the joys that come with having a newborn baby.  There is nothing better than a newborn baby.  They bring so much joy and happiness into a family.  Nothing can compare.  Perhaps, in my mind, I not only want to have another baby, but I want to have another baby so that I can feel th...

Today is Monday, today is Monday... Oh my goodness...I am so baby hungry today.  I can't get the thought of another baby out of my mind.  I really don't know what's going on.  Jon has said, repeatedly, that we are done...we have to be done...we have to move on.  I don't know why I'm having such a difficult time accepting this.  I would do just about anything to have one more chance to carry a baby inside of my womb.  To have the chance to hold another newborn baby, fresh out of heaven.  There simply isn't anything better in the whole entire world.  My heart, body, and soul is just aching to have one more opportunity.  If Jon had the same desire as I did, we would be pregnant already.  He doesn't have the desire.  I can't make him have the desire.  I prayed this morning, in tears, and told Heavenly Father that I can't do anything to change Jon's mind.  Nothing.  I'm completely helpless.  If Jon is going to have a ...

I didn't have the chance to write yesterday.  The day got away with me and I didn't end up going to bed until after midnight. I went running in the morning, we went shopping (which took forever), Nana called me (such a wonderful surprise...I love her so much and I get very emotional when I think about her not being here one day), I read scriptures with Morgana, Jon's mom came over for dinner, we finished up Come Follow Me for the week...and then I had to work on the young women newsletter.  I usually have it sent out by Saturday afternoon, but I didn't even start it until after 8:00 last night.  I finished it at midnight.  It takes a long time...and I'm a perfectionist, at times, so it probably took me longer than it needed to.  I really do enjoy creating those newsletters, even if Lizzie is the only YW to actually read them.  I wouldn't be surprised if it were true!  I really appreciate Lizzie.  She is so kind and makes me feel like a million buc...

Today was a pretty good day. It's September 25th...My Mom and Dad's 39th anniversary (well, if Mom was still alive).  I thought about Mom a lot today.  My siblings and I sent out some group texts today expressing our love for Mom.  We also came to the conclusion that she was so good at lifting people up and boosting their self-esteem.  We all feel as if our own self-esteems have decreased since she died.  We also came to the conclusion that it will help us feel better about ourselves if we stop focusing on ourselves and start serving others.  Like Mom did.  I know that I always feel better about myself if I serve others.  Not focusing on myself is key to not feeling bad about myself.  I need to do better at reaching outward. Today was Morgana's birthday.  As I've mentioned before, Morgana is the woman who I have been helping teach the gospel to.  I made her a chocolate cake and dropped it off at her house.  It was really good t...

Today was a typical day.  Not much happened...just the usual. William gave Caitlyn's Little Mermaid Doll a makeover with some of Caitlyn's fake make-up, ha ha.  We died laughing when we first saw it!  I had to document it.  The weather was nice early this morning.  We went on a walk before starting school.  Such a beautiful day.  Such a beautiful area that we are blessed to live in. I was texting my friend today who lives down the street (she's in our ward).  She had 1 biological child and adopted 4 more.  She is so inspiring to me.  I have been really thinking about fostering and adopting lately.  It's just been weighing on my mind.  There are so many babies out there who need a good home.  I want to help so badly.  I really do.  Every time I bring it up to Jon, however, it's a "no".  I became upset about it today.  Is it a bad thing to want another baby?  Is it a bad thing to want to foster a chi...

Lizzie made diner today for her Home-Ec class.  It was really good!  I helped her with the process, of course, but she did the majority of it.  She made chicken stir fry.  Caitlyn did such a good job with her journal entry today.  She is a very conscientious worker, especially when it comes to coloring and art work.  She is such a sweet little girl.  Jon and I did some yard work after dinner and she was the only one to put on a pair of garden gloves to help us out. William did a little number activity today. We went for a walk this morning. You can't really see in the picture, but William got stung by some kind of insect.  I don't think that it was a bee because the welts disappeared fairly quickly.  It was sad.  He said that the bee tried to eat his "Doughnut".  Jon jokes around with William and tells him that he has a "Doughnut" rather than a "neck", ha ha. Whenever I go to Tara's house I notice that she has the nicest decorations...