Ratatouille, A Snake, and the Barf Bed

I have felt a little discouraged today for some reason.  Just a little down.  I don't really know why.  I was thinking about my life and how I feel like it's almost over, ha ha.  When William goes to Kindergarten next year I feel like I will have no purpose in life.  After so many years of being needed every second of the day, I don't even know what to do with myself after I'm not needed like that any longer.

I was talking to my family in the group text today.  This is one of the things that I wrote them:

"Basically, I feel like it was ingrained in my mind that I should choose a career, but only use it if my husband couldn't provide (because of illness or death).  In reality, I should have had the mindset to choose a career that worked well with a family, or that I could work only a little bit to keep up my credentials.  As it is now, if I were to suddenly have to support my family, I would not be able to do so, even with a degree.  If I had kept something up over the years, I would have been able to keep up my resume and work experience and would have had a chance at finding a job.  Basically, my degree was a waste because I didn't actively keep myself qualified to do the work that it qualified me to do." 

These are my thoughts right about now.  I feel lost in regards to my future.  I felt so sure in May, after Jon said "no" to another baby, that I was to pursue nursing school.  I felt so good about it, was excited about it, and did everything that I could to get the ball rolling.  But things are at a standstill.  I don't know if it's COVID or if the nursing counselor really hates me and purposefully ignores my emails...not sure which.  At any rate, I'll try not to give up my dream of becoming a nurse.  Now that Jon's parents are going to be living down the street they can really help out and make it possible for me to go to nursing school.

Anyway, today was a good day aside from my own insecurities.  Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.

Lizzie looked like an old lady, lol, with her hair curlers and a green face mask.

I was taking the kids on a walk after dinner today and we spotted a rattle snake!  It was huge.  I texted Jon that there was a rattle snake across the street and he came running out with a garden gun to shoot it.  Unfortunately, it wasn't loaded!  Then a man in a truck ran it over with his car and then killed it with an ax.  We walked over to it afterwards though and I was sad to see that it was severely mutilated but it was still moving.  The poor thing, even if it was a poisonous rattle snake, was suffering.  The kids watched the whole ordeal from the bottom of our driveway.

Poor Bryce was sick and didn't eat dinner.  Stomach issues.  He's sleeping on "The Barf Bed" tonight.  I'll sleep on the couch in the living room just to keep an eye on him.  It's the norm for me to sleep next to the kids when they are sick.  I want to be close to clean up the barf while it's fresh rather than letting it dry up, ha ha.

I made Ratatouille for dinner tonight.  Lot's of veggies.  It was okay, but it kind of made me sick at the same time.  I think I put too much oregano in it.

We had a yoga party this morning before starting school.  Lizzie was our teacher.  She did a great job!  I'm hoping that this becomes a regular routine for us.