Feeling Awful

 I feel awful about something that I did today.  Well, something that I DIDN'T do.  I feel like the worst person in the world.  I feel like horrible.  I was prompted to do something and I ignored the prompting.  It's eating me up.

It's short, so I'll explain it here.

I went to Relief Society today.  The first time in about three years.  I sat with Jon's Mom.  I noticed a girl sitting in front of me who was sitting alone.  I chatted with her.  I had the thought to sit next to her so she wouldn't have to sit alone, but I didn't feel like I could leave Sandy.  I didn't want to make Sandy feel bad by leaving her so I ignored the prompting.  Then I went and accompanied a song on the piano.  While I was playing I had the thought, again, that I needed to sit next to this girl.  I decided that I would sit next to her on my way back instead of sitting next to Sandy.  However, as I walked back, someone else was sitting next to her so I sat where I was.  Then, the person moved and the girl was alone again.  I felt awful.  I couldn't just get up in the middle of class and move seats.  Could I?

Anyway, after church I texted this girls Mom and told her that it was good to see her daughter in Relief Society today.  Her Mom texted back and said that she was disappointed that no one sat next to her daughter.

This really hurt me.  It hurt worse than a slap in the face.  I'd rather get hit by a truck than feel as bad as I feel right now.  This girl sat alone in Relief Society.  I was prompted to sit next to her but I didn't obey the prompting.

What if this girl never comes back?  Is it all my fault?  Am I to blame?

People make mistakes all the time.  Why does this mistake have to hurt so badly?  I can't stand it.  I just want to go and crawl in a hole.  I don't have a church calling.  I don't deserve a church calling.  Maybe I don't even deserve a temple recommend.  What I did today was not Christ-like.