Busy Thursday

We had a busy Thursday today!

We lost the internet in our house today, as such, Jon took Mason and Bryce to the AVC campus.  Jon had to teach classes and needed the internet.  So the boys did school with daddy today and I got the day off, ha ha.  It wasn't a very relaxing day off though.  We had to pick up some supplies from Del Sur.  I talked to Caitlyn's teacher for a bit.  I feel so bad for her.  She is very stressed out and miserable.  This online teaching thing is taking everything out of her.  I guess Jon isn't the only teacher who is working 24/7.  I wish that I could think of something to do for the teachers to support them and express my appreciation for them. 

Lizzie had an orthodontist appointment this morning.  The Caitlyn, William, and I hung out in the car while we waited for her to finish.  It reminded me of the good old days when I used to sit in the car with those two while waiting to pick up the kids from school.  Believe it or not, even though those days were stressful and long...I miss them so much.  I can't even think about those days without getting a lump in my throat.  I'm so sad that those days are over.  They flew by so quickly.  It's not fair.  Why couldn't they have lasted longer?  Why couldn't I be stuck in that phase of life for eternity?  Because we are children of God and, as such, He expects us to learn, grow, mature, and ultimately become like Him.  That means that we have to grow up and move on.  We can't stay in our favorite phase of life forever.  I would seriously do anything to have another baby to stretch out this phase of life a little longer.  I would do anything to snuggle a little newborn to my chest and feel his tiny hand tighten around my finger.  There is absolutely nothing better in the whole entire world than that.  Sometimes I feel like the only thing that will make me happy is to get pregnant again.  Every month of pregnancy is exciting.  The anticipation of waiting for a little life is so enjoyable.  And then once the baby is here I get to see the baby learn and grow at such an exponential rate.  I loved it.  I would do anything to do it again.  I can't explain the emptiness that I feel right now knowing that I won't be able to hold another one of my own babies.  If Jon ever has a change of heart and decides that he wants another baby...I would be so elated.  It's not going to happen.  He fasted about it.  He prayed about it.  He feels done.  This is what makes it so difficult...he feels peace about being done.  I could as well...and I suppose I do.  But it doesn't mean that I wouldn't do anything to have another chance at bringing another precious spirit into this world.  This is why I feel such a pull towards nursing, perhaps.  If I could surround myself with other people having babies and be just a small part of that, maybe it would fill the void that I feel deep within my soul.

William is four years old...but I have dragged on his baby stage a little bit too far, I suppose.  He still kisses my chest!  I suppose in remembrance of the days long gone when he used to receive his nourishment from me.  He was the best nurser.  The baby that just cuddled and cuddled and cuddled. Oh how I miss it!

I thank Heavenly Father every day for William.  The baby that almost wasn't.  My baby boy, my baby joy.  My snuggle bug.  The one who still needs me.

After dinner we played outside for a bit. Actually, after dinner Jon and I joined in on another discussion with the Missionaries and Morgana.  I think she will be getting baptized in a month.  It's so exciting.  I'm going to start calling her at 6:30 in the morning for us to read scriptures together.  She is golden!  I've only talked to her on the phone before.  I'm a little worried that she won't like me any more once she sees me in real life.

Mason was sad.  I'm sleeping with him on the couch bed tonight.  He's been asking for a while...tonight is the night.  Poor kid.  I talked to one of my friends today about essential oils.  I think I'm ready to take the plunge into essential oils.  I have been avoiding them for years, but I feel like I might need them to help with my anxiety and depression.  I hope that Mason will benefit from them as well.

The girls wanted to get curlers today when we were at Wal-mart.  Tonight was their first night using them.  I'll take a picture tomorrow to see how they turned out!

Notice:  Bryce, the photo-bomber.