Lizzie's Birthday Party

 Jon's parents, his Grandma, and Darlene's family came over for Lizzie's party.  I think that she had fun.  I hope she enjoyed the cakes.  I know that they were really sweet...but it's what she wanted and that's all that matters.  I like to bend over backwards for my kids on their birthdays in regards to their birthday cakes.  Maybe they will appreciate it one day.  I know Lizzie appreciates it now. She is the most grateful child...I don't know what I would do without her. My heart bursts for joy to know that I have a daughter like Lizzie. My life wouldn't be the same without her. She expresses sincere love and gratitude to me every single day. I think I'd be depressed without her, ha ha.  

Here are the pics!


































I am not in a single picture.  Oh well.  As long as I keep writing my kids will remember me and know that I was there...even if I'm not in any pictures.  I'm not the type of person that asks people to take pictures of me.  Jon never takes pictures of me.  I'm not going to beg him to.  So unless it's a selfie, I am not in any pictures.

I have been suffering with so much anxiety.  I always feel anxious before birthday parties, or any type of party in our home.  I'm feeling anxious because party's come to an end and then I can calm down...but when Jon's parents move in they will not go home after the party.  I don't know if I will always be feeling this anxious or if I will get used to them being here.  I just don't know.  Even just thinking about it is causing me anxiety.  I don't know what my problem is.  I feel like a bad person.  I should feel happy about the ability that we have to let them live with us.  I think I would be happier if there was a room for them to stay in.  Instead, they will be using our library as their room.  It's just stressing me out and I hate that I'm feeling so anxious about it all.  I feel like I'm the worst person.  And I feel like I'm not being very Christlike.  And I feel so trapped...because we don't have a choice in the matter.  I'm just feeling anxious...almost claustrophobic.

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